the9th:
Stranger: Hi
You: My name is Jesus christ
Stranger: Cool. I’m a Latter Day Satanist.
You: Enthralling
You: I want to make peace with you
Stranger: I’m totally at peace with the world. And I’m from a sect that only does animal sacrifices, not virgins.
Stranger: So what’s up with the saving the world business?
You: Oh you know
You: just hanging around, waiting for the chumps to need me
You: it’s kind of hard, the air conditioning here is fucked
You: The Lord is an asshole, you know
Stranger: To be fair, that’s what we’ve been preaching for years.
You: Very intelligent of you
You: say, are you recruiting new members?
You: I’m a carpenter
Stranger: Nah, I’m not really into evangelizing.
You: Damn
You: I was looking for some new drinking buddies.
Stranger: I’m in it for the picnics, to be honest.
You: John keeps trying to baptize me and it’s really tiring
Stranger: At least your booze bill must be really cheap, what with the water to wine business.
You: Yah it’s a gong show down here
You: what about you guys? Any party animals?
Stranger: Some confused goth kids show up every now and then, but we point them to the nearest Twilight reading group and they scatter.
Stranger: Jesus, that book is the worst thing ever.
You: Ahhh, those Goth kids. It’s more hilarious when they show up here man, trust me
Stranger: Really? What happens?
You: well
You: They usually mope around, try to find some shadows to sit on and be depressed
You: and I’m thinking “Dude, this is heaven, what are you doing?”
You: The angels really pick on them though, I feel rather sorry
Stranger: And where the hell do they find the black eyeliner there?
Stranger: That’s something you’d usually find in, well, hell.
You: They find their ways, usually angel blood
You: Yah but that’s the irony
Stranger: So is it true what they say about the angels?
You: What would that be?
Stranger: You know, about them being a bunch of hermaphrodites?
Stranger: Or are they just plain old asexual beings, like moss?
You: Well, I don’t fuck and tell
Stranger: Ah, it’s nice to know the savior is a gentleman.
You: but Raphael’s nipples were a bit too perky and they’re making me wonder, you know
You: I should return to my prayers
You: It was nice talking to you, latter day satanist
Stranger: I gotta go see a man about a goat.
You: I gotta go see a man about a lamb
Stranger: Bye.
You: Farewell.
THIS IS SO AWESOME.
